Attack of The Coffee Monster, 1

Shelling out a few hundred bucks of your hard-earned moolah for black powder and water is utterly insane. Venti, Macchiato, Frappuccino; daggummit!? To hell with these words! I roll my eyes on people who utter them. But that was then.

Little did I know; I was unaware that little by little these words slowly crept into my daily vocabulary.

I live for coffee; black, strong, no-nonsense coffee. Aside from helping millions of coffee farmers, it sets everything in harmony and maintains world peace (around me, at least). Guzzling tons and tons of this bitter juice has been my life for more than half a decade now. And I couldn’t be any happier (my concept of happiness, that is).

I am somewhat a peaceful human being, which to say that I am a pacifist. I try to keep things balanced, and am usually the conciliator between my combating friends. But, denying me of a caffeine fix and I’m off to a killing rampage. Did I mention coffee preserves peace and order? I mean just that.

Every morning when I wake up, the first thing that pops up into my mind is … well … coffee. Getting up, crawling to the dispenser, stirring black powder into the mug of boiling water, taking a sip and eventually scalding my tongue; the first set of chore I perform every waking moment.

And after killing all my taste buds, that’s the time I dart towards the bathroom to relieve my close-to-exploding bladder. Coffee comes before pee.

When people ask me why I’m hooked, I don’t reply with the usual “It keeps me awake” or “I like the taste” or (and this is true with some people) “It’s fashionable!” (and stress on the last statement)

In fact I don’t reply at all. Coffee is way beyond human comprehension; it’s the same as asking birds “Ya got feet, why fly?” Just because.

That coffee keeps you awake. True. But soda keeps you awake also, because of its sugar content. And apples too, which according to studies (and this is true), have a higher I-forgot-the-name-of-the-wakefulness-chemical content than coffee.

So why go for the bitter-tasting, sewage-water-looking, nerbiyos-inducing liquid? Not reason enough, unless you’re ignorant with the soda and apple scientific researches.

That the taste is pleasant. Are you kidding me!? It’s no less than drinking amplaya juice. Well, unless you find the idea of grinding amplaya, sieving the pulp, and downing slowly the green substance pleasant, then … But still, are you kidding me!?

That drinking coffee is fashionable. Fashionable my gluteus maximus! Need I say more?

(to be concluded…)