Slowly, He Enters Her, 4

3. Bitiw (Spongecola)

“Ooh Yael! Yael! Yael!” the formulator of the “condom theory” yelped. “Who!?” I asked. “Yael! The vocalist! He’s sizzling!” she said. “That Spongebob person?” I muttered, in between puffing smoke. “Cola, SpongeCOLA."

Wag kang bibitiw bigla, wag ka bibitiw bigla-ha-haah. Pikit ang iyong mga mata-ha-haah. Higpitan lang ang iyong kapit. Maglalayag hanggang langit.

Heto na tayo, heto na tayo, Heto na tayo, heto na tayo. Wooh-hoooh!

Don’t let go, don’t let go (I know you have a more accurate translation in mind. Me too, but let’s just leave it at that, baka ma-report user tayo! Ha-ha!) Your eyes are closed. Tighten your grip. We’ll journey towards heaven together.

Here we come, we’re coming. We’re coming, here we come. Ooooh-aahhh!

Need it say more? Hmp?


2. Stars (Calla Lily)

I’m reminded of Paris Hilton’s “Stars are Blind.” So I turned to the same friend who shares the same promiscuity with Paris. “What the hell’s the connection between crazy gods and blind stars!?” I asked. “Shush! It doesn’t require anyone to think. It’s just her excuse to gyrate and crawl on the sand and shimmy and stuff.”

“Yeah, no issue. She’s just celebrating her being a “dumbelle.” Another friend interjected.


1. Doobidoo Heto Na (Kamikaze)

I personally feel that the lyrics were lacking, the words were chopped off maybe to conceal the real message. Doobidoo? It doesn’t make any sense, it doesn’t feel right.

Heto na! Heto na! Heto na! Waah! Doobidoobi doobidoobi doo Doobidoobi doobidoo wa.

(Robert Langdon mode) Now if we translate it to English and supply the missing words and syllables, we may be able to crack the code.

Here it comes! Here it comes! Here it comes! *moan*

Do (It) (Bey)Bi, Do (It) (Bey)Bi, Do (It) (Bey)Bi, Do (It) (Bey)Bi, Do (It)!
Do (It) (Bey)Bi, Do (It) (Bey)Bi, Do (It) (Bey)Bi, Do (It)!
Yeah *slurp*

Now tell me who else’s clean?

(Author’s note: This entry was written months ago, thus explains the obsolescence of the songs listed. I expected this entry to rate higher and to have more visitors than the other entries. And it did! You perverts!)